Just ask my wife. I can be a difficult person. As quick and willing as I am to admit that, sometimes it's another person in my life that can be the problem. Despite all that I've done, all the truth that I've spoken, there are continual "relational misfires" happening.
My wife and I have both experienced this in our lives. A certain person that, no matter what we do, just does not want to get along with us. Does not want to "agree to disagree" with us. Ever experience someone like that? What becomes especially hard is when this person is a confessed believer. What do you do when two Christians disagree and one refuses to make amends?
Well, after recently coming through a situation like this, I would like to share some of my thoughts and encouragements.
1. Confess your faults to God and forgive the person who has wronged you. For me, the first part was easy, the second part was hard. I did not want to forgive this person because my selfish pride wanted everyone else to know what had happened. I wanted to jump up and say "Objection your honor!"
2. Continue to dig into Scripture. I can't stress this enough. You cannot run today's faith on yesterday's gasoline. Make the decision that, despite what is being said or done to you, that you will be a healthy, growing person. You will seek the higher ground.
3. Don't talk about past hurts with others. This was hard for me also, and goes with the first point. I wanted so badly for people to know the true nature of the person who hurt me, but I soon realized that it wouldn't do any good. Forgiveness is not a one time decision, but a day-to-day decision. I wake up each morning and must forgive this person, claim God's promises in my life, and CHOOSE to do what is right.
4. Talk with a trusted Christian mentor. I say "mentor" and not "friend" because sometimes friends agree with things just because they want to listen, but a mentor will tell you the truth even if it hurts. Make sure that you are being submissive to people in your life who can come in and say "Hey Jon, what you did was wrong, you need to make this right." I know that if I have time to think about the wrong that was done to me, I can quickly become bitter. It's these trusted mentors in my life who help keep my views balanced.
5. Don't be fooled/discouraged by a Christian who uses Scripture as a "trump card". It's sad to say, but there are believers who are not healthy, yet their "prophetic utterances" seem to say otherwise. Even Satan had the guts to quote Scripture to Jesus. That didn't make him right. If you think this may be the case, ask some of the following questions:
a. Is the person living a balanced Christian lifestyle? (Part of a local church, has Godly mentors in their life, has a history of Godly living, has a good reputation in the community, has a strong base of Christian friends/family/fellowship?)
b. Is the person committed to building God's local church or his own kingdom? (note: I have strong apprehensions about people who run from church to church and have developed into a "loner Christian")
c. Does the Scripture quoted establish confidence in the Word of God or does it highlight the ingenious way in which a man interpreted it? In other words, will people who hear this person develop a greater dependence on God's Word or this man's ability to interpret it?
d. Does this person build up the Body of Christ (the local church) or work against it?
e. Does this person defy authority or accountability in their life? I know when I am kicking against authority and I can see it very quickly in others too (maybe because of my military background). 2 Peter 2 talks about false teachers (people who wrongly quote the Bible) and in verse 10 it tells us that these people are quickly identified as those who despise authority, are bold, and arrogant.
f. Is this person being reasonable? 2 Peter 2:12 says that they will be like "unreasoning animals, blaspheming in matters they don't understand." A big key is that this person will talk, but it won't make sense to anyone listening.
g. Is the passage quoted Biblically true? Scripture is not to be looked at through a small one-verse peephole. Does what is said line up with the WHOLE of Scripture?
6. Finally, understand that sometimes a clean break from the person may be necessary. There are times when putting effort into a relationship is just too exhausting and all of your mental/emotional/physical efforts are just "throwing your pearls to swine" (Matthew 7:6). Even Christians who claim to be following after God can experience periods of separation. We see this in Paul and Barnabas; the wonderful Christian team that had to split ways (Acts 15:3-16:10).
Hang in there, God can redeem your situation.
